


Vivid Monochrome

by Celinarose



Category: Original Work
Genre: Freeform, Other, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8468080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celinarose/pseuds/Celinarose
Summary: A series of old and odd poems I wrote a long time ago. Posted here, just because.





	1. To Find My Place

I don't belong here,

This is not my place,

Where is my place?

Perhaps in some parallel world

For I was always a misfit here,

I do not know,

But I do know,

This is not my place

Where is my place?

Perhaps somewhere else,

For I was always strange here,

I do not know,

But I do know,

This is not my place

Where is my place?

Perhaps nowhere,

For I was always wrong here,

I do not know,

But I do know,

This is not my place

Perhaps I do not belong anywhere,

I do not know,

But this is not,

Has not,

Can not

Ever be,

My place...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the line "I don't belong here" that I read somewhere.


	2. Their Perfect World

Don’t let them know,

For they will only mock you,

Taunt you for who you are,

For they will not like you,

Hate you for who you are,

No, they do not wish to see inside,

The face beyond the mask,

The mask of cold indifference…

No, they do not wish to open their eyes,

Just live in their fantasy,

A fantasy, which is your nightmare,

What haunts you every night, every day,

No, they just wish for their perfect world,

A flawless you, A mirage,

No, they will never accept your flaws,

Your imperfections which make you,

Who you truly are,

Beyond the mask,

And just for a moment,

It shatters.

Do they like you?

Let them live their fantasy,

Do you like you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired partly by the movie “Frozen”, and partly by the song “Try” by Colbie Caillat.


	3. Twists and Turns

You think you know me,

You don’t know me,

‘Cause you can only see,

an empty shell, hollow.

But hiding behind it,

A dark, long, tunnel,

Twists and Turns,

Warded, Secure,

Lies a Secret.

You think you know it,

You don’t know it,

You think you know the way,

You’ll just get lost,

But I’ll now never let you know,

Who I really am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by a song, Liz Gillies’ “You Don’t Know Me”


	4. The Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the haiku by Basho,
> 
> “In my new clothing,
> 
> I feel so different,
> 
> I must look like someone else.”

I feel so different,

I must be someone else,

For that is a face unknown,

That looks back from the mirror.

Those obsidian eyes, are an abyss of emptiness,

Emotions, Shadowed by a dark veil,

Feelings, long lost in the darkness,

And a cold, cold mask,

Set in stone,

Hiding a soul, that is whole, yet so barren and grey,

Lost, Forgotten, Hidden, Shadowed,

Living, yet untouched by Life itself,

No, it is not living,

Just survival, the primal instinct,

I cannot help but ask,

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?


	5. Loss

I lost myself today,

Didn’t know the face in the mirror,

Rage, anger, hate,

All I saw was dismal grey.

I asked,

Where is the color of life, which embellished my world of yore?

Why is there no joy anymore?

And I realised that everything was not what it seems,

For the fear gnawing away at my heart,

Is hidden, Haunting me in my dreams,

In every breath,

Taunting, elusive, like a faraway memory,

I felt hollow,

Without the Essence life once held,

It was gone forever,

It was lost, forbidden…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the line “I lost myself today” which I heard somewhere.


	6. Of Sad Words and Burns

As I write this down with my little pen,

A burning voice inside my heart

Reminds scornfully, “It might have been”

But I know it is a lost hope,

Which exists no more,

Life has lost the colors it once wore

The sorrow of this was like no other gloom,

For it was a sole ray of light, now obscured by doom

The one sunshine,

Now hidden behind clouds of time,

The life I envy, for it could never be mine.

Yet I know, weeping and despair,

Would only perhaps sadden the air,

Oh I weep for what I can never have,

But, it might have been,

Yes, it might have been…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the quote ‘Of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these, “It might have been.”‘


	7. They Will Not Let Her…

She must weep, or she will die.

She must weep, or she will be killed,

Killed by the fears inside,

The haunting fears, mocking her,

Taunting her,

She must weep, she must!

She must let go, or she will die.

She must let go, or she will be killed,

Killed by the emotions buried deep,

The forgotten emotions, rediscovered,

Renewed,

She must let go, she must!

Yet she will not weep,

Yet she will not let go,

For they will not let her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the line “She must weep, or she will die.” that I read somewhere.


	8. Holding My Breath

I think I’ve held my breath for long enough,

For, now I am choking,

And I’m drowning in my own despair,

Yes I’ve held my breath long enough

For now I can’t breathe anymore

And I’m grasping into the emptiness.

I know, I’ve held my breath long enough,

For now, I’ve forgotten how to let go,

And I’ve been trying to live again,

To stop holding my breath,

For now, my hold is slipping,

Slipping into oblivion,

I have to learn again,

To let go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by the line “I’ve held my breath long enough” that I read somewhere.


	9. Anything, but Me

Now that I’ve become who I really am,

And you can change me anymore,

I’m not your clay to mold,

Like you always thought I was,

But you just wanted to crush me,

Shatter me into a million pieces,

Now you can’t stop me,

Or push me down,

‘Cause you don’t even know me now,

‘Cause you’ve just lost control,

And your curses can’t reach me,

Your words can’t wound me now,

Your taunts can’t pierce my heart,

Maybe you could stand and watch from afar,

Maybe you’ll realise,

That you’d thought wrong, all along

‘Cause I never was yours to mold,

Yours to crush, to shatter,

Yours to stop, to push down,

Yours to control,

Your to know,

I never was anything, but me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired partly by the song “Break Free” by Ariana Grande.


	10. Soldiers

Soldiers fight wars.

Wars, that are not their own.

They suffer for long,

Call it sacrifices.

They're brave, everyone says,

They protect us.

(From who? More soldiers...)

But they hurt.

They scream, and howl and shriek.

Where's your pity now? Your love?

They know what they are,

Puppets.

In uniforms, no less.

The cruel masters tug at the strings,

And the bruised hands bleed,

The broken feet march ahead.

They've shackled themselves,

(Everyone said it was an honour),

And they've been chained.

And we weep,

Because we've been bound too,

And the promised glory that comes with it,

Never does.

So we smile. Laugh.

Cheer.

And tears run down our faces,

(Of joy? Sorrow? Both.)

And sometimes, soldiers,

Soldiers die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Sherlock's S4E3 with the recurring theme "Soldiers", and by the song of the Carmilla movie also titled Soldiers.


	11. Fiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I run and hide, you try to catch me. Try again.

"Run", someone says,  
And I do.

I close my eyes and step into a forest   
One you don't know exists,  
The lush trees shelter me from the rain,  
Of tears that you bring down on me,  
The warm sunlight filters through the leaves,  
Because it is not your world,  
And gloomy skies can only   
Last so long here.  
I'm safe and warm and perfect,  
But you don't know it yet,  
But when you find out,  
You pull me away from it all.

"Hide," someone says,  
And I do,

I hold on to the people,  
Who were always there for me,  
Who understand,  
Because you never did.  
Some weep with me,  
Some console,  
Yet others plot revenge.  
You can't tear them apart,  
Like you did me,  
so you laugh. Mock.

They are fiction to you.  
To me?  
Everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a friend of mine mentioning everyone's need for escapism.


	12. Blazing Snowflakes

There’s a burning fire in his heart,

And an icy storm in hers.

Apart, they are chaos, utter destruction;

Together, they are invincible.

But they will never be,

Because it hurts them to pull closer,

Because the scars are too deep to heal,

Because she is a monster,

And he is a beast.

And they must be caged,

Hidden away, out of fear.

Barriers and mountains to overcome,

In a race they aren’t allowed to even begin,

 

But one night, they’ll find home,

And they will watch the blazing snowflakes fall,

Twirling onto the dark ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with a very specific pair of fictional characters in mind. Also partially inspired by Frost’s Fire and Ice.


	13. Sort and Filter

_They did it to you, and you despised them for it. Now, you do it too._

You look at the one standing there,

“Fat”, you think,

Or maybe “smart”,

Perhaps even “good-looking”.

But you don’t know that man.

Yet your mind tells you where to put him.

Enclose his entire life,

Into some neat little boxes,

Even though you have no need to,

No reason to.

But now, for future reference,

You’ve put him on a shelf,

Labelled him, without checking for accuracy.

 

You say you’ll keep your sorting to yourself,

But it slips out, inadvertently.

And he’s on another shelf,

In the mind of someone else.

He doesn’t know what he’s done,

But he hears the whispers,

And curls up into a shell,

So that you put him in another box,

Like they used to put you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by…well the fact that everyone seems to know everything about others without knowing anything at all.


	14. Chapter 14

I saw your face today.

Not the one you put up for everyone, no.

The real one, that you hid from even me,

For so long.

I knew you were lying, hiding,

But never knew how much…

Never knew your facade ran so deep.

And I recoiled in horror,

And stood like a fool, not knowing what to do.

For perhaps the first time,

I was repulsed by you,

But from the looks of it,

You’ve reciprocated that feeling,

For too long now.

You want me to explain, to apologise,

Like I always do.

Because you play the victim,

And I am your jailer.

I can never stand your sorrowful face,

Your hurt words.

Not today.

You’ve always been a better liar.

So that they all love you.

And they do, for your smile,

And all the times you try to make them.

But, me?

I don’t. I can’t.

And I’d thought you understood.

I was wrong,

(Aren’t I always? Ha.)

So I’m sorry.

But goodbye,

My friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired partly by the song “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt and partly by certain recent events that took place.


	15. Status

Stand back!

Stay away!

This is not your place!

Let those lower than you take care of it.

(Lower? Lower why? Lower how?)

You’re too good for this.

Go back to things that concern you,

(This does concern me…)

 

* * *

 

They there aren’t born beneath me.

You made them so,

And then,

You made me believe it.

So for once,

I will _not_ be the perfect little doll,

That you put in the glass cage of “status”,

And I’d like to see you try to stop me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by recent events, and society’s obsession with classifying people.


	16. Plastic

A dollhouse sits in place of a building,

And no one notices the difference.

Everything is perfect,

To visitors, to “outsiders”,

Yet each one of the dolls,

Breaks apart inside,

And bears it, with a brave face,

Not a single word passes their lips,

And they remain plastic, perfect,

Until your back is turned,

And then they rip,

Through each other’s hearts,

And nothing is left,

But pieces to pick up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired partly by Melanie Martinez’s "Dollhouse"


	17. Tired

Hoarse voices scream out curses,

And the listener’s ears bleed,

She retreats again,

Into her own quiet space,

It never ends,

Though she begs, implores it to.

She wonders how much longer,

How much more she can fight,

And stand up straight,

Looking them all in the eye.

It won’t be long,

She knows,

Because she needs rest,

Else the exhaustion will overcome her,

And all that will be left shall be the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by recent events.


	18. Fine

_“I’m fine”_

The words slip out,

Like second nature,

To hide and smile,

And let them never know.

A facade,

To conceal and console,

The searing pain,

That slowly eats away,

Ending in nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by recent events.


	19. Blue

I look down at my fingers,

Stained a brilliant blue,

The colour,

Of sadness,

Grief,

Remorse, perhaps.

And the passers-by,

They ask,

And I smile widely,

An act for their benefit.

But they need not worry,

Truly,

Because I see blue,

The colour of calm,

Peace,

And Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the fact that my fingers were actually blue with ink when I wrote this, and by Halsey’s “Colors”


	20. Burn

Brightly,

Like a star,

Never wavering,

Never fading,

Never growing dim,

 _Burn,_ they said,

As they lit her,

With embers,

That scalded her,

That she never asked for,

That she didn’t want,

But they wanted her to burn,

Brighter,

Higher,

Louder,

Grew the crackle,

Of the blazing fire,

That scorched her soul,

Her shrieks mingling with it.

 _Because,_ the wind howled,

_Even the brightest stars still burn out._


	21. Happiness

I see them running,

All scattered in different directions,

While I stand,

Quiet, confused.

I ask a man,

Where they are going,

What they are looking for,

“Happiness”, he says,

So I start running too.

It’s late, too late,

Before I find I’m lost.

I don’t now where I want to go,

Or where I am.

Everyone else has left,

And I stand alone,

Bleeding,

Aching.

They didn’t know,

How to find the joy they seek,

And I, the fool, followed blindly.

Is it money?

Love?

Friends?

Family?

Passion?

I don’t know,

Neither did they.

But as I stood,

In that dark, cold forest,

That sucked out my light,

I knew that whatever it was,

I would never have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by people and their pursuit of happiness.


	22. Enough

“Too little, too late,

It’s not enough,

You’re not enough,

It should have been better,

You should have tried harder,

You’re not good enough,

It’s all a waste of time,

And you’re a waste of space…”

On and on it goes,

Each word hitting him like a bullet,

Until he stands up,

Stares boldly,

Too bold for them,

And says a single word.

“Enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by some books and stories I read recently.


	23. Fear

She is afraid.

Fearful, even.

They all ask her,

“Of what?”

And she never answers,

Just shivers, quietly,

Painfully.

The words never leave her throat,

But sit there, cold as ice,

Freezing her,

Turning her to stone,

_Or so she wishes._

It hurts,

And she bears it,

Like she always has.

Until she is brave,

Strong enough to be terrified.


	24. Tonight

“If not today,

Then tonight,

I will change everything,

Fix everything,

Heal this broken mess,

Never get it wrong again.”

He says it,

Again,

For what must be the hundredth time.

Oh he means it,

Each word,

Each time.

But he is scared.

And so, the night passes,

Another sleepless one,

for the Cowardly Lion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know where this came from, but this will be an Wizard of Oz based series. This is part 1.


	25. Cold

“It’s freezing outside,

But could it be…

That it is colder here?

That I am alone,

And I need this warmth,

No, I crave it.

I crave to feel,

To believe.”

He closes his eyes,

The frost spreading on his skin,

As the Tin Man longs for the love,

That is never to be his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Wizard of Oz series!


	26. Lost

We wanted to run,

To get lost,

To lose them,

And perhaps,

Just perhaps,

Find ourselves.

But we find,

There is nothing,

No where,

For us.

All paths

Have been taken,

In fits

Of previous despondence;

In moments

Of prior escapes.

Our footprints,

Our trail,

Stain each track,

Every road,

And we stare,

Hopeless,

Lost in our wish,

To never be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a single line from a song.


	27. Reflections

I look, at that shard of glass,

Crimson, Glistening,

Almost calling out,

And I answer,

I hold it up,

Up, against the midday sunlight,

And a drop of blood trickles down my fingers,

The same red,

The same gleam,

But I, I am mesmerised,

By my treasure,

That casts a shadow,

An image, perhaps,

Of the warm light,

On the cold ground.

I frown.

The patch of light,

It glows,

Like the sun,

It gleams, a beautiful scarlet,

Like the glass,

And I ask,

Aloud,

And yet to no one,

_When does a shadow, become a reflection?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by some observations.


	28. Glad

“I’m tired,” she says,

And no one hears.

“I’m scared,” she adds,

Her words falling on deaf ears.

This is not home.

She would rather be,

Anywhere but here.

She never says it,

Not when she should,

Instead, she whispers it,

Softly,

Into  he black fur,

Of her only friend.

She is not tired,

When the tornado comes,

She is not scared,

When she runs out to greet it,

With open arms,

And a hopeful heart.

She gets something entirely different,

From what she wants.

So she smiles,

Then laughs,

“Toto, I’m so glad,

We’re not in Kansas anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of the Wizard of Oz series!


	29. Questions

She questions everything,

Like they would tell her to,

“You are good,”

They say,

When she does as they ask,

( _Am I?)_

“You are lucky,”

They say,

When she complains.

( _Am I?)_

“You are happy,”

They say,

No, They command.

_(Can I be?)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by recent events.


	30. Good

She is good,

Or so they say.

They await her arrival,

And smile when she walks past.

She smiles back,

Glad, that they cannot

Tell the difference.

She is good,

Or so she is told,

And she has spent years,

Trying to live upto their ideals,

The ones they forced on her,

She is good,

Or so she hears,

And it hurts,

Because good is not easy,

And she has given up,

Too much (too little?)

To be good.

She is good,

And sometimes,

The Good Witch would really rather,

Not be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 4 of the Wizard of Oz Series!


	31. Fool's Will

“I’m not a fool,

Or a slave,

Nor am I deaf,

To what they all say.

I hear it all,

See it all,

And bear it all,

Because,

They tell me,

There is nothing else,

That I can do.

They are wrong,

Always have been.

I can. I will.”

There are no tears,

On the old burlap,

that forms his face.

Nor a frown, on the weathered face.

Only, a childish grin.

A resolve,

One they would never expect,

From a stupid scarecrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 5 of the Wizard of Oz series!


	32. Forever

The rain patters on the cold pavement,

Even as the clouds grow darker,

And the winds howls its disapproval,

But he walks,

Braving it all,

Silently, alone,

As he has, for a long time,

As he will,

Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the weather when I wrote it.


	33. War

This is war,

Even if you cannot see it,

With your heartless eyes,

(Oh why must you be

So quiet, so blind)

This is war

Even if there is one soldier

And only the one

(Yet the battlefield is colder,

As he tries to run)

This is war

Now, it is your war, not his,

So run, _you_ must _,_ you will,

(You forgot this is war,

And in war, soldiers kill)

This is war,

So go ahead, hide,

Pretend, say you have no crime,

(Pity, there’s no one on your side,

Because you see, this is his time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by nothing in particular.


	34. One

She does not trust them,

She knows better,

Than to trust herself,

She has no greater enemies,

Than the ones,

That lurk,

In her mind,

Plotting,

Willing her,

To do one thing.

It is sound advice,

That she resists.

She is afraid,

It is the horror

Ingrained in her,

Every inch of her, screaming,

Even as she grasps the ledge,

Tighter. Trembling. Terrified.

(Of what?)

She hates them,

The Coward,

The Fool,

The Optimist,

The Believer,

The Hopeful,

The Lover,

and The Loved.

She hates every part,

Of herself,

Of the world.

She hates the Chains,

That pull her back,

As much as she hates

The darkness they protect her from.

The pain, she despises,

As she does her salvation.

The dagger, and the remedy,

Are detested as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by recent events.


	35. Proud

Evil.

Malevolent.

Terrible.

They dub her on sight.

They do not pause

To find out

To know

To learn

Her,

Of her mind

And her thoughts.

They shun her

They hide

Or pretend to

They whisper

In the streets

‘Stay away’

And they do

 

 

She cannot

She knows

Prove them wrong

For she has tried

And it is an impossible task

To reason with fools.

So she sets out,

And succeeds

In proving them right.

‘Wicked Witch!’

They accuse,

And she smiles with pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 6 of the Wizard of Oz series!


	36. Wishes

“I wish…

“I want…”

“I need…”

“I would like…”

“I must have…”

“If I only…”

He has heard them all.

All forms, ways,

They never end.

The dreams,

Wishes and wants,

Needs and musts,

That greet him,

At his door.

Behind the veil

He grants them

Nearly all

Those that he deems fit

For he is justice and jury

And executioner.

“Pure hearts,” he reasons,

For the few that question,

In return, they worship him.

The deifying veil

That separates him and the world,

Is his prison

His salvation.

He pretends to be satisfied

And he pretends well.

Not well enough

For his own self,

That has learnt,

To see through charades.

And so

In a quiet, not-so-forgotten corner

Of his heart,

Lies a dream,

Of a day

When they ask

“What do you wish?”

In this forbidden vision,

He replies,

“To not be,

The Wizard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 7 of the Wizard of Oz series. And that brings an end to the set!


End file.
